Emotional Support
Fertility treatment causes emotional strain that may result in anger, frustration, loss of control, depression and grief. Dealing with fertility issues is an opportunity for a couple to work together. The experience can cause couples to learn better communication skills.
MeritCare's medical professionals help patients work through these feelings. Support groups are also offered where couples can talk about their feelings with others who share the same experiences. The following strategies for dealing with your feelings might help:
- Focus on working with your partner as a team
- Get involved in activities with your partner
- End treatment before helplessness overcomes you
- Understand that you have options: you may become pregnant in the future, or you may choose to investigate other alternatives, such as adoption
- If you feel that your marriage is having problems, seek out couples therapy
The emotional investment
Often described as an "emotional roller coaster," fertility treatment can practically take over your life with its ups and downs, its disappointments and hopes. While some marriages are strengthened by the challenge, others can be devastated.
It's important that the lines of communication stay open between couples, and between the couple and the Reproductive Medicine staff. The relationship between couples and staff is viewed as a partnership that calls for honesty, concern and sensitivity.
Support services to meet the emotional needs of couples are available. In addition, many couples experiencing infertility have found needed strength through RESOLVE, a national organization that is an information source as well as a support group.
For more information about this nonprofit, independently functioning organization, please visit http://www.resolve.org.
The time commitment
Fertility testing and treatment can be very demanding because certain procedures must be done at certain times in the reproductive cycle. Couples need to make the treatment a priority for a period of time and may have to juggle other areas of their lives.
For people who live out-of-town, travel to MeritCare in Fargo, N.D., will be necessary, but will usually not require overnight stays. In some cases, monitoring for out-of-town couples can be done locally, reducing trips to Fargo. You'll find that timing is a big factor in the success of the program, so in some cases daily lab work, ultrasound and IVF embryo transfer will require a stay in a hotel.
Advice for Family and Friends
It is often difficult to know how to relate to someone who is undergoing fertility treatment . The following suggestions may provide some insight and help relate to your friend or family member during this time.
- Understand that dealing with fertility is a medical issue that involves many steps. Mood swings may be common, and at times the feelings may be painful. Your friend or family member may need someone to talk to, or may want to be left alone.
- Be patient.
- Listen to your friend or family member during this painful time.
- Try not to give advice or offer reasons for fertility problems.
- Share your concern with your friend or family. If you don't know what to say, try "I wish I knew what to say. Is there anything I can do for you?"
- Avoid asking about pregnancy.
- Be honest about your own pregnancy or that of others. Telling your pregnancy news first and privately is the most considerate action you can take.
- Try not to comment that the fertility problems might be caused by a lack of desire to have children or that God has not found them suitable for parenthood.
- Be supportive about the medical treatment or resolution, even if you do not agree.
- Understand that fertility treatment is financially expensive.
- Know that even though you may have good intentions, you may say something that is offensive because this is such a sensitive subject.
- Only 5 percent of the world is voluntarily child-free. It is insensitive to ask people when they are going to have children.